


Back To You

by starspangledsprocket



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Get Together, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Pre-Relationship, Sad, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 02:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17520473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starspangledsprocket/pseuds/starspangledsprocket
Summary: "In the days immediately following the snap, Humanity turned in on itself. Governments toppled – world leaders evaporated or weakened by what was collectively being dubbed The Great Purge – and everything descended into chaos from there."In which Steve is stubborn, Tony is traumatised, and everyone is sad.





	Back To You

**Author's Note:**

> This is a commission for rainbowliebe over on Tumblr. Hope you like it!

Steve was fairly certain his capacity for processing trauma had reached its peak well before he’d even been defrosted. Logically, he knew that everyone was grieving, tired, _defeated_ , but… but they were alive. Alive was enough. As long as they were alive, they could fight.

Not that there was anything left to fight. Thanos and his army were gone, his cronies disappeared along with half of the population – half of his friends. In the days immediately following the snap, Humanity turned in on itself. Governments toppled – world leaders evaporated or weakened by what was collectively being dubbed _The Great Purge_ – and everything descended into chaos from there.  

The Avengers (what was left of them) holed up in the facility upstate. The first few days were the hardest, watching scattered television reports of all the destruction and reading comments and messages from all over the world. People were screaming out for help, for guidance, and Steve didn’t know what to do.

_“They need a leader,”_ insisted the government official on the other side of the phone. _“Someone they can look to, someone who can guide us through this madness. The President is… gone, Captain, and –“_

“I’m not Captain America,” Steve replied quietly, and the other side of the phone went silent. “Not anymore.”

He put the phone down before anything else could be said. Becoming President was the very last thing he wanted, especially during all of the chaos that reigned. He couldn’t help if he was President, couldn’t fight with everyone else.

“You’re stuck in war mode,” Natasha murmured from the doorway, startling him momentarily. “Don’t deny it.”

“It’s not…” Steve started to argue, but the words died on his tongue. “There has to be something we can do.”

Natasha shrugged her shoulders tiredly. “Empires fall every day.”

“Yeah, but this isn’t just an Empire, Nat,” Steve shook his head. “This is the whole _world_ we’re talking about.”

Natasha looked worn down, he noticed for the first time. Her stance didn’t hold its usual sharpness, and her eyes were a little less bright than he remembered. She looked exhausted.

“We might have to accept,” she started quietly, and looked down at her feet with a sigh, “that, this time, there’s nothing we can do.”

Steve shook his head, frustrated beyond belief. He wanted to shake her, rattle some sense back into her because this wasn’t the Natasha he knew, this wasn’t his _team_. He opened his mouth to yell at her, maybe, or at least strongly disagree, but what actually came out of his mouth was:

“Tony would know what to do.”

Natasha looked surprised, as surprised as Steve felt, because where had _that_ come from? He’d purposefully banished all thoughts of Stark from his mind; if he were alive, he would have been back by now, and Steve refused to contemplate the idea that his body might be floating around somewhere in the vastness of space. He didn’t know Stark very well, but he knew enough that dying in space had been a very resounding no-no for him.

But he couldn’t help but also think that yes, Tony _would_ know what to do. He always knew what to do, whether his plans directly opposed Steve’s or not. There was always something – he always saw things a little differently, a little less black and white than Steve knew he himself was prone to. More often than not, the two of them created something between them that almost always worked.

And Tony was gone.

Steve shut down all thoughts regarding Stark immediately. It wouldn’t help to dwell on a man who was most certainly dead – he had to focus on the here and now, and how they were going to get out of this mess.

“You need to rest,” Natasha sighed, almost as though she had been reading his mind. “Recuperate. You took some pretty big hits, and I know you have the Serum, but you’re not invincible, Steve.”

He knew she was right. Even as they spoke, his ribs groaned in protest and his mind felt heavy with exhaustion. Like this, he couldn’t help anyone; he was a liability. He knew that.

“I’ll rest when we’ve fixed this thing,” he ground out instead, and purposefully avoided Natasha’s disappointed gaze.

She left without saying another word.

\---

Everything settled as much as could be expected. Steve jumbled together the other Avengers and sent them out to help with the worst of it, breaking up the biggest riots and clearing the worst of the debris after fires and protesting. It was useless, of course, because for every fight they broke up, or every fire they put out, three more popped up in other corners of the world. They were fighting a losing battle, and very quickly burning themselves out in the process.

But, still, Steve refused to surrender. He spent his days in contact with numerous government officials from all over the world, and his nights rummaging through Tony’s lab and office for something, _anything_ that might help them track down Thanos and reverse everything that had been done.

One evening, around three weeks after the snap, Steve walked into Tony’s office to find Rhodey sat at his desk. There was a half-bottle of whiskey in front of him, and he looked suspiciously teary eyed.

“Sorry,” Steve started automatically, taking a step back towards the door. “I didn’t realise you were in here.”

Rhodey sniffed heavily, rubbed a hand over his eyes, and shook his head with a weary smile. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll get out of your hair – you’re… you’ve been looking through Tony’s stuff?”

“Yeah,” Steve replied, suddenly feeling the need to defend himself. “I’ve been looking through his work to see if… well, to see if there’s anything that might help us track down Thanos.”

Rhodey stared at the stacks of papers for a moment, and Steve realised for the first time how much he had really lost. Tony was gone, Pepper was gone… his two best friends snapped away in the blink of an eye. Steve had lost Bucky and Sam, of course, but he had the rest of the team, had purpose as long as he was _doing_ something, but Rhodes… Rhodes had always been loyal to Tony rather than the team, helpful when he needed to be but ultimately there as a friend rather than a member. Now his friends were gone.

“You really think,” Rhodes started, and for the first time Steve heard a little slur of alcohol in his voice. “You think we can reverse this?”

Steve swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “I have to believe we can.”

Rhodey nodded, took another swig of the whiskey in front of him. With a mechanical creak, he got to his feet, pistons whirring on his new legs as they took his weight. Steve marvelled for a moment at, once again, just how intelligent Tony Stark really was. Really had been.

“I’ll get out of your way, then,” Rhodes sighed, snagging the bottle off the desk as he rounded it.

Before he could leave the room, Steve reached out on a whim and grabbed his arm. Rhodey looked momentarily startled, but then his face set into something more solid.

“You…” Steve didn’t really know where to start. “You’re not alone, Rhodes. I know things aren’t –“

But Rhodey was already shaking his head with a bitter smile.

“We lost him once, in Afghanistan,” he murmured, “and we got him back. Tony Stark is the toughest son-of-a-bitch I know, so don’t think for a second that –“

Before he could finish his sentence, a thunderous bang echoed from somewhere nearby, almost knocking both of them over as the earth shuddered below their feet. Steve stared at Rhodes for a second, struck dumb by the suddenness, before they both swivelled on their feet and set off towards the source of the noise.

“What’s happening _now_?” Bruce grumbled, stepping out of his room as they whipped past. “What else could possibly be happening now?”

Steve kept running, Rhodes falling into step beside him despite his disability, but as they rounded the corner and came face to face with a wall of windows that gave way to the grounds outside, they both stopped as one.

In the middle of a crater that definitely hadn’t been there a few minutes before, there was a woman. In her arms –

“I fucking told you so,” Rhodey laughed. “He’s like a fucking cockroach, I swear!”

She was holding an unconscious Tony Stark in her arms.

\---

Colonel Carol Danvers was her name. After a short introduction and run-down of her life (which included aliens and words that Steve definitely didn’t understand), she strode forward – Stark still nestled in her arms – and entered the compound as though she belonged there.

“Nick Fury sent for me,” she told them as they led her towards the medical bay. “He gave me these co-ordinates. Is he here?”

“Fury…” Steve didn’t really know where to start. “Fury’s gone. So is Hill, and most of his team.”

Danvers looked regretful for just a moment, but hid it well as she pushed through the medical bay doors and laid Tony down on the nearest bed.

He was a complete mess. Steve couldn’t begin to imagine what must have happened up in space, but Tony looked like he had taken a thorough beating and was barely hanging on.

“I’m gonna go get Bruce,” Rhodey murmured, pointedly not looking at Tony’s gaunt face. “See if there’s anything he can do.”

Steve nodded his head. Unlike Rhodes, he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off Tony. He was dangerously small, his grey skin seeming paper-thin around his brittle, broken bones. Steve spied what looked like a stab wound – old, by now, but not healed – against his right side, and refused to think about what could have caused it.

“He was drifting just outside the Milky Way,” Danvers murmured, staring down at Stark as well. “Couldn’t have been a few days from arriving here, but the oxygen levels were dangerously low. He would have died before getting back.”

“You saved him,” Steve croaked. “Thank you.”

“You know him?”

Steve took a deep breath and nodded his head. “He’s… one of the team. One of the best. Earth’s best defender.”

“Well, he’s not looking his best right now,” Danvers tried, though the joke fell spectacularly flat.

“No,” Steve simply agreed.

They both fell silent, waiting for Rhodey to return with Bruce. Steve hated silence, especially when he knew it was because someone was hurt. Before he could stop himself, he reached out and laid a gentle hand across Tony’s chest, feeling for his heartbeat. It was there, if barely, and Steve let it thump against his hand, almost imagining he could push some of his own life force – his will to live – into Tony to help him heal. It didn’t work, of course, and Tony remained terrifyingly cold and still, but it comforted Steve all the same.

“I hate to be _that guy_ ,” Danvers hummed, snapping Steve out of what he realised was quickly becoming a trance of _breathe in, breathe out_. “But I wasn’t kidding when I said his oxygen levels were low. You should probably do something about that.”

“Yep,” Steve agreed, springing to his feet.

He didn’t know a lot about medical equipment, but he knew enough to be able to quickly locate an oxygen mask and tank, which he hooked together and slotted around Tony’s face. It took a moment, but after a few seconds Tony seemed to deflate, and then took a huge breath that sounded painful in Steve’s ears. He put his hand back on Tony’s chest, feeling for his heart, and liked to believe the action was what caused Tony’s breathing to stabilise, if only for a moment.

They were in for a long night.

\---

Slowly but surely, colour started to creep back into Tony’s skin. Multiple breaks, fissures and oxygen deprivation meant it took a while, but with round-the-clock care, Tony started to look a little more human again.

Steve took to sitting by his side, resting his hand against Tony’s chest so he could feel his heart beating stronger and stronger by the day. He wasn’t sure why it soothed him so – was actually pretty reluctant to start unpacking his feelings on the matter – but for the first time in weeks he was starting to feel some kind of peace. He wasn’t sure why that peace seemed to tie directly into his quiet moments with Tony, but, again, he wasn’t inclined to think about it too hard.

They offered Carol a bed and a place to stay for the foreseeable future. She was strong, incredibly so, and could fly, and they needed all the hard hitters they could get – especially ones that seemed to have an extensive knowledge of space and other worlds, which they (bar Rocket) were all lacking.

“There’s technology out there that could definitely help us track Thanos down,” she told them decisively during the first official team meeting Steve had called since everything had happened.

It was still strange – gutting, even – to see so many empty chairs, but with Tony resting in the next room and Carol to add to the roster, if only for the minute, Steve felt hopeful like he hadn’t done for weeks. Better, the other Avengers seemed to be picking up a little, too.

“Then I say we go find that technology, track ol’ grape face down, and crack his skull,” Rocket yelled, slamming his tiny fist down on the table in front of him.

Steve still wasn’t used to the fact he was sat opposite a talking raccoon.

“We have no weapons strong enough to defeat him,” Thor disagreed quietly. Of all of them, he had been the most withdrawn since the snap, and Steve was surprised to hear him speak at all. “It would just be a repeat of our last battle.”

“Besides which,” Natasha continued. “Killing Thanos won’t bring everyone back.”

It was true, and the resounding silence that echoed around the room confirmed it. Everyone looked at each other, at a loss of what to suggest.

“The Time Stone might,” came Bruce’s voice from the door, and everyone looked up. “I’m not going to pretend to know how it works, but you all saw Thanos using it in Wakanda. There has to be a way to harness that power.”

“You’re suggesting… actually going back in time?” Rhodey asked quietly when no-one else seemed capable of replying.

“If we can find Thanos and take the gauntlet, he’s immediately weakened, right?” Bruce continued. “He’s not as much of a threat. We use that window to use the Time Stone and stop him from ever finding the stones in the first place.”

“We go back and destroy the stones before he can get to them,” Carol nodded. “Everyone’s saved, and it’s like none of it ever happened.”

“Yes,” Bruce agreed, and then turned to Steve directly. “It’s going to be damn near impossible, but it might be the only hope we have.”

Steve swallowed hard and stared at his hands planted on the table in front of him. It would be dangerous, and – as Bruce said – damn near impossible to pull off, but… but Steve couldn’t think of a better option. It was _something_ , at least, and for the first time since the whole mess had started, he felt like he had his old team back. That was worth something, if nothing else.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Yes, it’s a plan – the only one we have right now.”

Everyone seemed to deflate a little, as though they had been collectively holding their breath. Bruce nodded his head sagely and turned to exit the room again.

“I’ll start doing some research,” he said, and then turned back momentarily. “Oh, and… Tony’s waking up.”

\---

“Sit your old ass down before I _beat_ it,” Rhodey snapped as he and Steve raced into the medical bay.

In true Stark fashion, Tony was halfway out of his bed, eyes wild and hands quivering as he looked all around him. As soon as he clocked Rhodes at the door, he sagged back onto his bed and a terrified sob left his mouth.

“You’re home,” Steve found himself saying, following Rhodes over to the bed. He knew what a panic attack looked like, and Tony was definitely having one. “On Earth. 2019. You’ve been hurt, injured, but you’re okay. Tony, you’re _okay_.”

Tears streamed around Tony’s oxygen mask, and when his wild eyes clocked Steve the mask began to fog as he exhaled sharply. Steve didn’t know what to do – Tony was _staring_ at him, unblinking, like he couldn’t quite believe he was there. Without really thinking, Steve reached out and put his hand against Tony’s chest, gently guiding him back down onto his pillows. He kept his hand there as Tony settled, feeling his heart quickly start to slow, and with a jolt realised that he was soothing Tony as much as Tony’s heart was soothing him.

“You are never allowed out of the house unsupervised _again_ ,” Rhodey huffed, pulling up a chair on Tony’s other side. He took Stark’s hand and gripped it tightly, unshed tears shining in his own eyes. “You fucking _idiot_.”

In return, Tony held out his other hand and Steve drew back as Rhodes went into his arms willingly. They embraced like long-lost brothers, and Steve had to swallow back a surge of sudden, unexpected jealously that crept up his throat. Where had _that_ come from?

“P – Pepper?” Tony asked, voice like gravel as Rhodey pulled away again.

Rhodey glanced at Steve for a moment, which in turn caused Tony to turn his head to him. But Steve didn’t know what to say. He knew what it was like to wake up after thinking you were dead to find out the people you loved were dead instead, and he didn’t wish it on anyone. Rhodey seemed to realise he wasn’t going to get any help, because when Tony turned back to him, all he could do was shake his head sadly.

It was enough. Steve saw realisation filter across Tony’s face, before his jaw set and he looked away. He blinked hard, and only a few tears fell – better than Steve had managed after he’d been defrosted.

“Get out,” Tony whispered, and then screamed, “GET OUT.”

It looked like it split Rhodes in two, but he did as he was told and stood. Steve followed him to the door, and decidedly didn’t look back as a sob followed them out.

\---

Against everyone’s wishes, Tony was up and about within a few days. He immediately caught himself up on what the plan was, and as a result locked himself in his lab with Bruce and Carol to start researching what they could do to reverse the snap.

Steve was absolutely _not_ jealous that he wasn’t invited. So not jealous, in fact, that he took to leaving them food outside just to prove how useful and not jealous he was. If he was also hoping to catch Tony alone, maybe apologise for the Accords and everything that had happened since, well… that was just extra. That wasn’t important – not as important as proving how useful and not jealous he was.

Almost an entire week passed before he finally managed to catch Tony alone, and that may or may not have been because he cornered him as he was coming out of the lab bathroom.

“I have nothing to say to you,” Tony told him insistently, attempting to step past Steve.

He blocked his path.

“I just want to apologise,” Steve tried. “Please, just let me –“

“ _Apologise_?” Tony spat, and then pushed Steve so hard that he staggered backwards. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Tony –“

“No, fuck you!” Tony cut over him, pushing him again. “Fuck you for making me fight my friends, fuck you splitting us up, fuck you for leaving, _fuck you_ –“

He grabbed the front of Steve’s shirt, eyes crazy, and for a moment Steve thought he was going to hit him, when –

Suddenly they were kissing instead.

It was sharp, brutal, all teeth and tongue, and when Tony pulled back he looked triumphant, as though he had finally gotten one over on Steve.

“Well, fuck you too,” Steve snapped in reply, pulling Tony towards him as anger burned under his skin. “Fuck you for always thinking you’re right, for never listening, for being too damn proud to call me before you _fly off into space alone_ –“

They were kissing again, but this time it was more desperate, passionate, and Steve wrapped his arms tightly around Tony as it went on, terrified that if he let go everything would go away. He cupped the back of Tony’s head, crushing their mouths together, and thrilled at the sound Tony made.

“Take your fucking pants off,” Tony grunted, pulling away only momentarily before their mouths were back together again.

Steve, never one to disobey a direct order, immediately began fiddling with his belt.

“Yes, Sir.”

\---

Afterwards, when they were both naked and satiated on the cot in the corner of the room, Steve pulled Tony into his arms and let him lay against his chest. They were silent, heavy breathing giving way to a slow, calm _breathe in, breathe out_. Steve revelled in the feel of Tony’s heartbeat against his side, focused on it for an inconceivable amount of time, and only snapped out of it when he realised that Tony was crying gently next to him. Cupping Tony’s face in his hand, he drew their mouths together for a tender kiss, and then wiped the tears away with the pads of his thumbs.

“We’re going to fix this,” he murmured softly, and then kissed him again. “We’re going to get them back.”

No matter the cost, and no matter what would become of them, Steve vowed that he would make things right. After a moment, Tony sniffed and nodded his head, then leaned in for a final kiss.

“Want to see the progress we’ve made?” he asked tentatively, groaning as he sat up.

“Of course,” Steve nodded, following.

And just like that, everything, for the moment, was forgiven.


End file.
